When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize