I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sext me about skeletons
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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