when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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