i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
