He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize