she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
