btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
