He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize