idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
