shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
