Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
