Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
