god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
