so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
