...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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