Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize