Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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