i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
