Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
