anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
