for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
