oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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