not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
