Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
