Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize