Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's never too late to be topless.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
