Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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