There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
