i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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