I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
