Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
