An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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