Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize