omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Everyone says I win the strip club
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize