My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
