I accidentally had phone sex last night
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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