you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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