I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize