Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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