What did we do last night that was yellow?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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