youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
