shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
