wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
