Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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