ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
