I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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