Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
