ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize