so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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