trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
