community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So vagazzling was a success
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
