i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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