You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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