Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
