Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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