I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
handjob tips. give me some.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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