He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
