Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I would ride that face into the sunset
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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