Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
