It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
