evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
