I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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