yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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