When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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