the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
